No, I’m not truly “in jail” and I’m not emailing from a distant country asking you to wire me money ASAP to procure my release. But I am in Facebook / Instagram / Messenger/ all things Meta jail, banished from the Zuckerberg Empire—and I cannot get out. My sin? Apparently, someone hacked into my account and hijacked the associated credit card, using this to charge me $99.99 for my “first monthly subscription,” and this person or entity, as best I can speculate, must have ties to an Ethiopian warlord, and unbeknownst to me, posted something on my feed?? I received emails from Facebook telling me my account must have been hacked and I should change my password, and then confirm my identity etc. etc. but once I had completed all the required steps, I was notified that I had violated Facebook’s Community Standards due to my post “on dangerous individuals and organizations.”  

I have “disagreed” with this decision and emailed the designated accounts at Facebook for lodging complaints and appeals—all to no avail. I cannot use any of the in-app features to protest or get help because I am blocked. My personal Facebook account has completely vanished and does not appear if my friends try to “search” for me, while my professional/business Author Facebook page is still there, but I cannot access it. I also cannot access Instagram or Messenger.

I have real-life friends who have abandoned Facebook, and I understand that, but I must confess I am addicted to my daily check-in. It’s a way for me to feel connected to friends and family who live near and afar; to admire their travel photos and share mine; to adore the antics of their dogs, or applaud their latest paintings or crafts; to celebrate new publications from my writer friends and learn about their events. On Instagram, I follow the latest adventures of my daughter and her friends, and I use Messenger to communicate with my nephew who lives overseas. I’ve been cut off from all that. Facebook is even taunting me with daily emails reminding me of birthdays or telling me I’ve missed posts from friends—but I’m still blocked from seeing these.  

And… whine, whine… I was planning to use Facebook and Instagram to get the word out about a special deal going on right now for the audiobook version of “When It’s Over”. It was selected for a Chirp deal for a limited time only, on a schedule determined by them, not me, and I’m unable to notify my 3000 friends and followers.

Yes, I know, in the scheme of things this is a minor first-world problem. My wife tells me I should get over it already. But I’m obsessed with trying to get back on. I have been unjustly accused. I’ve done everything I can think of to get reinstated. I googled it of course, and found I am not alone in being banished. I learned it’s useless to try to telephone but emailing appeals@fb.com or disabed@fb.com might get a response—it hasn’t. I asked my daughter and her Millennial friends here in the Bay Area if they knew anyone who works at “Meta”—they don’t. 

I turned to Twitter looking for help, which was a mistake. I’ve never gotten much traction there compared to Facebook, and I loathe Elon Musk and what he’s doing. But I have stayed because I’ve made a few valuable writing connections, and the platform gives me insight into lives I would not otherwise have. Usually when I post on Twitter, I get no reaction. But when I posted a question about how to get out of Facebook jail, the bots leapt in: ten identically-worded responses within a minute of each other referring me to dubious accounts that had no posts and only a handful of followers.  

There was, however, one response that looked more legit, a geek with 10K followers who said he could help. By this time, I was a week into my banishment and starting to feel desperate. I’m ashamed to admit I was lured down the path of direct messaging with this guy, who wanted more and more money from me, for what? …something about “authentication server codes”…I couldn’t understand a thing, but he “promised” it would work…. I should have quit when the first two PayPal accounts he gave didn’t go through, but I didn’t, and agreed to use Zelle. I’d already forked out $187, but balked when he wanted another $296. Gee, I couldn’t believe what a fool I’d been.   

My latest idea, based on a suggestion I found on my umpteenth google search for solutions, was to use LinkedIn to find contacts at Meta. I reactivated my neglected LinkedIn account and hunted around. I found a couple of people who work at Meta and whose roles sounded promising (perhaps) and with whom I had a tenuous connection, through a mutual friend or graduating from the same school. I messaged them—but nothing has come of this yet. I returned to Twitter to search for the Meta account and sent a Direct Message pleading for help. No response, surprise, surprise. It’s been two weeks and I’m still in jail.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has been allowed back on Facebook and Instagram. Excuse me, while I do something to try lower my blood pressure…..